our cab driver is having phone sex.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.