Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.