8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm fucking your sister right now.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face