The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach