someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.