gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
