i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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