And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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