between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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