seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
