So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
