You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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