Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
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Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
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No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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