i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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