turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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