After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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