i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
