Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
