I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We're too hungover to prance.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
