i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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