you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize