also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
