I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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