I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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