Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
