i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
