Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
