At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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