just come out here and I will go home with you...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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