he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
kristin has been a bad kristin
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
