my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
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