awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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