She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
