Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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