That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
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Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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