I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
