i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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