it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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