i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
