she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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