my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
