Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
