i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
