how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
