why didn't you poke me back
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
