i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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