my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
