Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
