'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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