i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
