So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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