break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
