4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize