I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
