Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
