there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
