I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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