Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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