Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
