I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
