She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
