So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
