My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
