I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
