I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
