3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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