Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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